Growing in Intimacy

Biblical intimacy starts with self-giving rather than entitlement. The beauty of a covenant relationship is found in relational harmony and balance through seasons of life.

In the Song of Solomon, we have a beautiful picture of growing intimacy between a man and a woman; the bride is not just emotional but expressing exclusive devotion, mutual responsibility, and unbreakable safety.

We find at least three progressive levels of intimacy in the eight chapters that comprise the Song of Solomon. This maturing of love and intimacy between the man and woman, a picture of Christ and the church, celebrates the restoration of Eden and a reversal of the curse of Genesis 3:16-19 – where relationships are mutual, and free from manipulation. This is the Lord’s fervent desire for His Bride.

The Three Levels of Intimacy

Infancy (Self-love)

In SoS 2:16: "My beloved is mine and I am his"

This is stage one, a possessive self-love, driven by consumption, security, and holding on to the other for self-fulfilment. The primary emphasis is on what I get and ownership. This is a stage where the believer is high on entitlement, instant gratification and emotions. The devotion to the bridegroom is an afterthought or non-existent most times. At this stage, the question in the believer’s mind is mostly, “What can I get out of this?” “What’s in it for me?”. If there are no visible returns, the question then turns to, “What’s the point of it all?”

Mutual Partnership (Maturing love)

In SoS 6:3: "I am his and he is mine"

This is stage two, the self (me, mine, I) moves out of the centre and gives room to a mutual belonging. The priority slowly shifts towards sacrificial giving, rather than just receiving. The bride has been tested and tried up to a point at this stage. There is a growing recognition of partnership, the bonds deepen beyond mere infatuation and possessiveness.

Sacrificial Love (Selfless devotion)

Then, finally, in SoS 7:10:"I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me"

From possessive self-love to a maturing love, to finally a selfless, sacrificial love. This is the Lord’s heart for His Bride. At this stage, personal interests, aspirations are sacrificed for the sake of the other. Love matures from self-first, to self-second, to completely selfless love and devotion. The joy of being in a relationship is treasured above personal demands.

The Thessalonian example

The Thessalonian believers, though a young community of early Christians, were commended for their work of faith, labour of love, and steadfastness of hope in the Lord Jesus Christ. All these excellent commendations were an outcome of their growing intimate knowledge of the Lord’s heart for people, communities, cities, and nations. Delving a bit deeper into the first chapter of 1 Thessalonians, we find the secret to their faith, favour, and fruitfulness in the kingdom of God.

Firstly, the gospel they received was not a mere gospel that assures one of salvation. While salvation is a wonderful gift of God, the gospel of the kingdom of God is a prophetic announcement that God reigns. The word the apostle uses for “gospel” in 1 Thessalonians 1:5 is “besorah”, a prophetic announcement that God reigns, echoing Isaiah 52:7. It describes the urgency of a message, a runner brought from the battlefield to announce that a king had won, and the war was over.

Then they received the word (Heb: dabar) which brought visible change in their lives. This is a transformation of the heart, and not merely an external behavioural change for some time. They received not just the logos, a rational, structural word, that appeals to the mind, but a transformative word that brought a visible heart change. This changed the way they lived, their worldviews, how they treated one another, how they viewed God and His kingdom. The dabar word emphasizes dynamic action, an event, a power that does something with visible change for all to see.

Then these believers received the word in power (gevurah) with accompanying signs, miracles, and deliverances in the Holy Spirit. They were balanced in Word and Spirit.

Finally, they received the word with full conviction or emunah. They had a deep assurance of the faithfulness of God, despite their persecutions and afflictions. This assurance showed in their mindset and lifestyle. Though they faced several societal pressures, and persecutions, they were able to receive the Word with joy amid their afflictions. They genuinely believed that God reigned even as they were being tested and afflicted. As a result, their lives were an example to others not just in Thessalonica, but in Macedonia and Achaia. What began in their hearts, eventually touched their cities. In verse 8, the report of their faith went everywhere in their then known world. They renounced their idols once and for all and actively served the Lord. They had insight and prophetic foresight, as they lived in eager expectation of the Lord’s return.

As you sit with the Lord, ask yourself some questions: are my work of faith, my labours, and my hope anchored in the Lord Jesus Christ? Do my prayers and affections reflect the self-love of 2:16, or a maturing love of 6:3 or a sacrificial love of 7:10?

A chapter 2 prayer would look something like this, “Lord, please get me out of this problem, if you bless me with my breakthrough, I’ll serve you wholeheartedly.” A chapter 7 prayer would look something like this, “Lord, I am yours. Today, how can I serve Your kingdom?”

A solemn word from the lips of Jesus in Matthew 7:21-23: “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

John 15:4-5 “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”